Let Me List the Ways Read online

  “Thanks for taking the time to do this,” I told him.

  “You’re welcome.” Eduardo closed his door and turned to me. I knew him from Nolan’s baseball team.

  “How long have you been a ref down here?”

  “Two years,” he answered. “I’ve played down here since T-ball.” He pointed to the T-ball field with a smile on his face. “Nolan and I aged out together. Once we started at the high school, they asked if any of us wanted to ref. I didn’t really have the free time in my schedule until last year.”

  “You must enjoy it if you came back for a second year.”

  “I do,” he agreed.

  “How are the parents? Do they ever give you a hard time?” I asked as I turned the page in my notebook to find a clean sheet.

  Eduardo chuckled. “Most of them are pretty chill. I know some of the games can get intense. Not the younger ones, but the majors. One time I had a mom get so mad at me for not making a call in her son’s favor that she threw her drink at me.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, my pen scratching notes.

  “I wish I wasn’t.” He shook his head. “She called me ‘blind’ and said that maybe the heat was getting to my head. I turned around and tried to nicely explain that her son had not thrown the ball to the catcher fast enough, but I never got a chance to finish my explanation. She practically ran down the bleachers and then threw her large drink at me.”

  “I can’t even imagine that!” I told him.

  “It was crazy. The best part was that the fence stopped most of the ice, and the soda fell short of me by about two feet. It took all I had to not tell her that she threw like her son—and that wouldn’t have been a compliment.”

  “What happened after that?” I asked.

  “I could have thrown her out for the rest of the game, but I didn’t have to. Her husband was so embarrassed he told her she needed to go home and cool off. I think once she threw her drink she realized she’d gone too far.” He laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “Are they crazy like that with you when you work in the snack bar?”

  “No,” I answered. “I get more attitude from younger kids. They always want more candy than they have money for.” It usually only amounted to a quick math lesson and a few bratty back-talking sessions.

  “Consider yourself lucky. Are you going to talk to Jude?” Eduardo asked. We watched as the coach of one of the teams pulled up beside us and started to unload his gear. Our interview was going to be over very soon.

  “I am. I’m supposed to try and catch him at the end of the game he’s working on the rookie field.” We both looked up to the field, barely visible beyond the snack bar.

  “He’s got one of the most extreme stories I’ve ever heard. It will be a good one for your article,” Eduardo said as he reached for the handle on the door.

  “Thanks again for your time,” I told him. “Good luck at your game.”

  “You’re welcome and thank you. I’ll see you later,” he replied, correctly assuming I’d be at our school’s baseball game this week. I hadn’t missed one yet.

  I glanced at the clock on my dashboard. I still had at least an hour before Jude would be finished and available to be interviewed. I grabbed the towel I’d brought from my back seat, knowing the benches would still be damp, and headed up the dirt walkway toward the rookie field. When I reached the fence, I could see Jude dressed in gray and black, crouched behind home plate. I stopped and waited there so I could watch him in action for a while as he called the pitches coming in. When the fourth ball flew over the dirt outside the plate, he motioned for the batter to take his base, and then his eyes found mine and I could see him smile at me through the black mask that protected his face. I gave him a small wave and headed to the stands.

  I had known Jude for a while, though not very well. We had been in a class together last year and again this year, but this semester we had a table between us and most of our conversations didn’t last longer than it took for us to walk into the classroom and find our seats. I had a newfound respect for him, though, as I watched how he refereed the game. I had been a fan of baseball for so long that I could see that Jude was doing a great job. No one was perfect, but his calls were fair. For the most part, Jude kept his attention on the game, not turning around to give any attention to the stands no mater what insults were thrown his way. I only saw him turn around twice, and that was when one father swore at the coach. Jude reminded him the players were children.

  When the game was over, Jude climbed the bleachers and sat beside me. “Thanks for giving me some of your time on the weekend,” I said as I patted the towel in invitation for him to sit.

  “It’s no problem,” he said as he twisted off the top of a water bottle. He tipped it back and drank it down. The sun was up higher in the sky now and the day was warming up. I could see the sweat on his brow and the way his arms were a little red from the sun where they peeked out beneath his shirt. I’d never been that close to him before, and for the first time, I noticed just how dark his eyes were.

  “Do you ever miss playing the game?” I asked him. I remembered having seen him down there many times over the years, but he stopped playing when we started high school.

  “Sometimes,” he said with a shrug. “But I didn’t love it like I think you should if you are going to play at the more advanced levels. I didn’t want to give so much of my time to it. I’d rather spend that time surfing or just hanging out with my friends. It was fun when it was meant to be fun,” he said pointedly. “When it became about winning the championship, it stopped being fun and became stressful.”

  “I could see that,” I replied.

  Jude bumped my shoulder with his own playfully. “So I heard you want to hear about the psycho parents.” He laughed. “Have I got a story for you.”

  “I can’t wait,” I said as I got my notebook ready.

  “You know those coaches that care so much about winning it’s almost laughable?” he asked.

  I nodded, remembering the crazy coaches I’d seen over the years while working the snack bar and watching Nolan’s games. “Sure.”

  “Well, I was the umpire last year for a team in the playoffs. This coach was nuts. He wanted to win so much he was pulling out all these insane moves. It was so bad we had to get the board president to come down to the field with the rule book. Anyway, things were getting tense. The game was dragging on and the players were getting tired. His son was the catcher and the whole game came down to one play. I saw it very clearly. The runner slid beneath his glove and it wasn’t a forced run so he was safe. Game over. They lost.” Jude brought his hands in front of him and signaled the runner safe.

  “Oh no,” I said in anticipation of what might come next.

  “He charged me,” Jude said. “Not even kidding. This dude full-on charged me from his dugout.”

  “No way!”

  “Dead serious. I couldn’t believe it was happening. He took me down flat on my back and we slid for at least a foot in the dirt. He straddled me and actually got one punch in before the other coaches were able to pull him off me.” Jude rubbed at his jaw as if remembering the hit.

  “You’re a teenager! He’s an adult.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “And that’s exactly why he got arrested and is now banned for life from ever setting foot down here again,” he laughed. “Cops said we could get lawyers if we wanted and make a civil case out of it, but the guy felt bad when he calmed down and made a nice contribution to my college fund.”

  “What about his kid?” I asked. How embarrassing.

  “I think he’s happy,” Jude said as he smiled warmly. “He gets a coach that isn’t as intense now. I see him down here all the time playing with his friends without his dad yelling at him from the field or the stands.”

  “Makes sense,” I agreed. “I guess it’s sort of a happy ending.” I chuckle as I finish writing my notes.

  “I’d take another punch to make sure that kid was happy.
That’s the way baseball is supposed to be. Fun, and played for the love of the game, not for the love of winning.” Jude took another sip of his water. I’d never had a talk like this with him, and it was the first time I’d gotten to see his softer side. It was making it hard for me to keep my smile from growing larger the longer I sat beside him. He was cute and sweet. I wondered why I’d never really noticed that before.

  “When does the article come out?” he asked.

  “It will be out in the next edition,” I told him.

  “I look forward to reading it.” He looked out at the field as he told me, “Your stories are always my favorite.”

  I felt my cheeks heat with his words, and inside my chest I felt both flattered and excited that he paid attention to my work in our school paper. “Thank you. For today and for reading my articles.”

  A car pulled up and the horn honked. Jude waved to the driver. “That’s my ride.” He turned to me as he stood up. “You’re welcome. It was fun getting to spend time with you outside of class. Maybe we’ll get to do this again sometime.” His expression was adorable, his lips lifting and his cheeks flushing slightly. He stepped down the bleachers and got into the waiting car. Once inside, he leaned over and tapped the horn again, waving one last time before the driver pulled out of the dirt parking lot and away from the cluster of Little League baseball fields.

  Later that day, sitting at my desk, I heard the low rumble of Nolan’s truck as he backed out of his driveway, leaving for his date with Erin. I told myself I wasn’t going to look as he drove away. Instead, I stared at the black print against the worn cream paper of the novel open in front of me. I tried to read the sentence, but before I reached the end, I’d already forgotten the beginning. My feet pushed off the wall, letting my chair tip back on its hind legs, and I closed my eyes as I listened to the sound of his engine driving down the street. When the sound of his truck had faded into the distance, I let my chair fall back down and sat, staring at the wall in front of me, mentally starting the countdown until I would hear his truck return.

  I knew that one day he would pull out of the driveway on a date with the girl who would be around forever. I wasn’t ready for that yet and wasn’t sure if I’d ever be. I never wanted anything to change our friendship, but I also knew that Nolan didn’t do anything half-assed. He was the best friend anyone had ever had, and when he finally got serious with a girl, he’d be the most amazing boyfriend. How much time would that leave for me?

  I knew one day I would find someone too. It was just hard to imagine what he might be like, because every time I tried, I could only ever think of Nolan. He’d need to be just like him. It was that knowledge that hurt the most. I already had the perfect guy; I just must not have been his perfect girl, because if I were, then he would’ve been out with me instead of some other girl.

  Tomorrow I’d do the right thing and call Nolan to ask how his date went. Tonight, though, I was going to take a shower, put on my most comfortable pajamas, and binge-watch TV.

  I must have fallen asleep after a few episodes because sometime just after eleven, I was jolted awake by the familiar sound of his truck pulling into his driveway. My eyes fluttered open and I held my breath as I waited to hear him go inside. His truck door shut, then the night returned to silence. I reached for my kit and pulled it onto the bed. I always tried to go to bed with my blood sugar a little high because I tended to drop sometime before morning. I was at seventy-three, just a bit lower than I’d like, so I took off my covers and made my way downstairs quietly.

  I grabbed a small juice box from my shelf in the fridge and pushed up to sit on the counter. I wouldn’t drink much of it, just enough to raise my blood sugar to a level that would be safe to sleep. My phone vibrated on the counter beside me and my stomach did a fancy flip as Nolan’s name appeared on the screen.

  NOLAN: Are you awake?

  MACKENZIE: Yes. Late night snack.

  NOLAN: Let me in.

  I let the cool juice roll across my tongue as I unlocked the kitchen door and cracked it open slightly. I could hear the latch on the small gate as he secured it behind himself, but it was too dark outside to see Nolan. Moving back to my position on the counter, I set down the juice and waited for him to come in.

  Nolan pushed the door open just enough to slip inside and headed straight for the fridge. He took a juice from my shelf and then made his way over to where I was sitting and pushed himself up onto the counter beside me.

  “How was your date?” The words felt like sand in my mouth. Nolan took a long sip of his juice before answering.

  “It was nice. We went to the new restaurant you told me about.” He smiled at me and took another sip from his straw. “It has a southern feel and they serve everything fried. We need to go sometime and get the mac and cheese. It came with like four different kinds of cheese and crumbs of some sort on top. It would totally be worth the burn.” He lightly bumped my shoulder with his. Sometimes when I had to give myself a large bolus of insulin, it burned going in. I used to bounce up and down on the balls of my feet in a little dance when I was younger as it stung. Now that I was older, the burn was just something I tried to survive. Every so often, though, the reward was worth the burn.

  “I’ll have to try it sometime.” I took one last sip from my juice box. The cold juice and the chill he’d brought inside made my skin break out in small bumps. Noticing, Nolan set down his juice and wrapped his arm around me, sliding his hand up and down my bare arms to warm my skin. I leaned into him, feeling myself melt into his side as he soothed the cold away. It felt natural to tip my head to rest on his shoulder and he instinctively tucked it beneath his chin, pulling me closer to his warmth.

  I wondered for a minute if he’d held Erin. I wanted to know if he had the same instinct to care for her as he did for me, but saying her name and asking him about it would ruin this perfect moment.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” I replied, giving him back his answer from the other day. Nolan chuckled as I moved away.

  “I better go to bed. I have five minutes before I miss curfew.”

  I wanted to stay there in the kitchen with him as long as possible, or at least for the next five minutes. Instead, I pulled my back straight and gave him a small nod as I slipped off the counter.

  Six

  “WAKE UP.”

  I thought I was still dreaming when I heard Nolan’s voice above me.

  “Wake up. We’re going on an adventure.”

  “It’s too early for adventures.” I tossed my pillow at him and tried to wrestle my tangled blankets over my head.

  “No, it’s not. But how about this for a deal—I’ll check for you so you can lie there a minute longer.” The metallic sound of a zipper quickly opening filled the air, followed by another as he unzipped the inner pouch and dug out an alcohol wipe. His fingers encircled my wrist as he flipped my hand up. Just because I was angry with him for waking me, I lowered every finger except for my middle one, holding it stiff for him to prick.

  “Very funny, Zie,” he laughed, wiping the cold alcohol swab across its tip. “Don’t you want to hang out today? Maybe get a little sunshine?” The quick sting of the needle pierced my skin and I finally moved to sit up as he ran the testing strip beneath the drop of blood.

  “It’s not natural to be this chipper in the morning,” I tried to say seriously, but I could feel my lips turning up slightly. He grinned back at me, his beautifully straight white teeth shining through as he held my finger to stop the blood.

  “Fifty-eight,” he said, his happy face falling into a more serious look. He set my kit back down on my desk and reached for his pocket. I flattened my palm and extended it above his lap, waiting for the shiny treats I knew would be placed there soon. Four silver Kisses were set on my waiting palm, and as I moved my hand back to begin unwrapping the chocolaty goodness, Nolan quickly unwrapped a fifth Kiss and moved it to my lips.

  “If you wanted to give
me a kiss, all you had to do was ask,” I joked. I opened my mouth and let Nolan drop the Kiss onto my awaiting tongue. He immediately reached for one in my hand and began unwrapping it quickly.

  “I don’t ask for kisses, Sugar. In case you haven’t noticed, I give you all the Kisses I have.” He touched the tip of my nose with his finger and leaned in as if to share a secret with me. “They take the bite out of your words when you’re low.”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” I mumbled around the gooey chocolate in my mouth. I tried to move to sit up a little higher so I could help take care of myself, but Nolan was already offering me another unwrapped piece.

  “Some things are worth the burn.” His attention moved from the candy to my eyes and I felt the stutter of my heart as his words fell over me. Hearing him say that I was worth the burn made my throat tighten with emotion. I moved my tongue through the thick chocolate, trying hard to find the words to tell him he was worth the burn too, but a playful Nolan shoved another two chocolates in, laughing as I started to drool.

  “Get up and get ready, Zie. We are taking a little road trip.” He stood up and clapped his hands together loudly. “I’ll grab your beach towel.”

  “Fine. Can you grab me some more lancets from my box above the towels while you’re at it? I’m almost out in my kit.”

  “Sure thing.” He smiled wide now that I wasn’t fighting his early wake-up call and impulsive day plans.

  “Are you going to be gone long?” I heard my mom ask him from just outside my room.

  “No, just a few hours,” he answered. He stepped back into my room and this time I noticed he was wearing board shorts and a vintage tee. I got up, opened the top drawer of my dresser, and turned to face him.

  “What should I wear?” It may seem silly that I asked that instead of where we were going, but I trusted him. He did this often, planning some adventure for us to go on. I loved them, whether they were just to a new bookstore we hadn’t visited yet or some new taco stand just because he knew I had a thing for them.